the recipe I cannot write down

What is it about cooking? There is deep satisfaction in that moment of completion of a dish, when you look at it before it is eaten and think, “I made this.” You realize you did not waste your time, there is a final result and it is pleasing. Well, pleasing most of the time that is.
The moments of measuring, pouring, sifting, stirring, whipping, rolling, kneading… these are, for the home cook, a ‘known’ in the unknown of life. I KNOW that if my bowl for whipping egg whites is not clean they will not set up well. I know a cold pastry dough will yield a tender crust. I know a loaf insufficiently kneaded turns out like lead in your stomach.
In life though, we have no such knowledge. We have no guarantees that even if we do “it” right that we will turn out with success. We can walk through life keeping all our promises, doing all the right things, helping, loving and sharing and still not get an easy path- or even a fun one.
We can anticipate others and what they will do, but no guarantees of what will turn out to be true. We cannot even guarantee our own actions!
Even the best of hints, tips and self help books do not ensure a child well turned out. The proverbs were not ‘quite’ honest. Train up a child in the way he should go and he will more than likely not depart from it- but the fact is, they are their own person and they will do as they will do, regardless of our love, devotion, discipline, prayers and guidance.
But my food, that I can guarantee. I can KNOW that my tortillas will brown to gorgeous golden rings on the tips of tender bubbles. I can know that my scrambled eggs will turn out creamy, light and savory.
Quite simply I wish I could put it down in words and measurements to share with the ones I love. I wish I could share a tip or word of wisdom so your life will turn out as consistent as my tortillas. So while I may try, while I may wish, I cannot share this recipe with you- I cannot even write it down for myself.

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