how to scare a state trooper- my true story

So the story goes something along the lines of …

Lance gets delayed in Chicago on Tuesday and the airlines are saying they can give him a flight home Thursday…. this is Tuesday… hmmmm. Not okay with this. No bag, no hotel, no food, stuck in his uniform and forced now to sleep in the USO which is so crowded that he cannot even sleep on the floor- but has to do it in a chair sitting up. Hot dog for dinner. Man is he living the life.

Leave is supposed to start on Wednesday so we can spend some family time down in the Dells using these super coupon books that are going to expire on Friday. I am not doing well with this development.

On the rag and freaked out because I hear my ultimately quiet husband totally losing it on the other end of the phone and his phone is dying and they wont let him use one. Hmm. It just keeps getting better.

Wednesday morning I call the travel office on post and they say “I don’t know why the airlines is telling him there are no flights, there is one for this afternoon.” So he is supposed to arrive at 3. I call him to tell him and that is the last I heard from him.

Hours have passed and I cannot get through. I need to know if he made it onto the flight before I drive to LaCrosse to pick him up (1 hour each way). Of course because of those $(*&(& alQaida pieces of *(&^ it is now against federal law to tell someone if their loved one is on the flight or not. Not the airlines problem is their attitude. So I am sitting here thinking how the hell am I gonna do this?

No one will help me on the other calls either. I am not asking for help with lost baggage for him.. I am assuming his bag is there in LaCrosse- sent on without him. The problem is that since it is not lost no one can help me. The wait on the baggage line for American is outrageous. 20+ minutes pass and I get hung up on as they answer. 20+ more minutes and I get told they cannot help me since I do not have a lost baggage claim number.
ARGGHHHHH! No one is answering at the airport in Lacrosse to ask them if the stupid bag is there.

American will not help Lance or I out in anyway. In Chicago there are two wings with American on them- do they connect and let you only do security once?
That would make sense. So they keep sending him back and forth to the different desks and through security each time (with those damned combat boots to lace up each time) when they can pick up the damned phone and talk to each other instead of sending him like a message boy. I am pissed off by this point. In fact it has been over 2 weeks and I am still pissed off about that.

So, I finally talk to someone at the airlines who is named Julie… and she is nice (of course). She cannot tell me if he is on the plane right?
How about she page him. If he answers then he is not on the plane. If he does not then he is more than likely on it. She cannot tell me no- this is not illegal right? To page someone?
Later she gets back on the phone to say
“Ma’m ALL the passengers are on the plane”

I say, “so what you are saying Julie is that NO ONE got bumped from this flight?”
“and everyone who had a boarding pass for this flight is on it?” “yes”.

(Biggest breath of my life!!!!)
Whew. Ok. Thanked her and got into the car.

Driving along thinking the worst is over right?
State trooper pulls me over for doing 3 over. He says he is only gonna give me a warning. How nice of him and while he goes to write it up and run my license I start to cry. No, correction. I start to bawl. I am sobbing to the point that I am close to hyperventilating! I am trying to hold it together and it is not working.
He comes back to the window and hands it to me and I am polite and say thank you. He says “Ma’m its only a warning” (cause I am bawling) and I say I know and thank you, I know I deserved a ticket. “But…. Ma’m, it’s only a warning, you wont have to pay a fine or anything” ( he says with concern because I must be purple with crying at this point).

That was his mistake.

This poor officer.

Shoulda walked away while he could.

No, he has to keep talking because he is nice and concerned.

Well I broke. In one breath I say:
“I know it is just a warning and that I deserve more- it isn’t this- it is just a combination of things today and this was the last straw because my husband has been stuck in Chicago and I am not sure when he is going to get home and no one has been helping either of us and I cannot reach him cause his cell phone died while he was stuck at O’Hare and I am fed up with American Airlines and the US Government!” big breath “So if you don’t mind I am going to sit here and cry until I feel safe enough to drive.”


Ya’ll shoulda seen the look on his face!!!!!!!

That poor, poor man.

It was that look when a guy has totally stepped into the mother pile of female shi-shi and has no friggin idea what to do and only wants out cause this is WAY out of his comfort zone.
You know it ladies- that deer in the headlights, oh crap what did i do, what is she gonna do next- look?!?! He had it. And bad.

That poor man had no idea when he came to work today he was gonna get into the female shi-shi zone. He stammered out a “uhh…ooo, ok, have a nice day.” and left. That was the only high point of my day besides when I saw Lance at that airport (which by the way was another 2 hours delayed and I sat in LaCrosse the whole damn time).
So, there you have it. How to scare the piss out of a state trooper.
Have a nice day! lol


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